Gravity Toons!
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: The Looney Toons are past their Prime...It's time for a new generation of cartoons to rise up in Gravity Falls...And who better to teach them than the Toons?...Oy vey! Based on a story suggestion made by 'StoriesUnleashed!
1. Chapter 1

Gravity Toons

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **Hey kids! Bugs bunny here! Do you know what I like to do at the end of the day?**

 **Eat a bowl of Uncle Sov's Turnip fungus supreme! Now with 75% less Red Tide poisoning!**

 **(Click)**

Daffy Duck sighed as he shut off the TV. "Well it's official...we've hit rock bottom." Bugs glared at him. "Hey, it put food on the table! Remind me again when the last time you hooked a paying gig?"

The third occupant of the couch(Willy E. Coyote) sighed. He looked around at all the other occupants of Foghorn Leghorns Cartoon Retirement home. So many familiar faces: Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, Porky, tweety...Whoever said that cartoons never aged...never saw this sorry lot...if it got any livelier a funeral would break out! Willy sighed, he couldn't even laugh at his own jokes anymore!...it all seemed so pointless.

He turned to his long time co-workers "Guys, what happened to us? We used to be the most popular cartoons in the world!...Now were just a bunch of washed up has-beans!"

Bugs also sighed. "It's no real mystery...the world doesn't want formulaic, status-quo driven slapstick anymore...They want gritty realism, expansive world-building, character development that lasts longer than one episode, Stories that make people think and will push the boundaries of what's allowed on TV."

Bugs got off the couch and headed for the door to get the newspaper. "Face the facts guys...the world just doesn't need us anymore." He says as he opened the door...revealing a creepy, tall man in a business suite, sprouting multiple slender arms, radiated terror and malevolence, and had no face.

Bugs sighed. "If your here for the gas bill were gonna need a couple more weeks to pay it...

…...

The creepy man introduced himself as ' **S** tanley, **Lender** , **Man**.' He explains how he's here to offer all the looney toons a new job: 'Teaching the next generation of cartoons.'

He reveals a basket revealing two twin babies. "These are Dipper and Mabel Pines. At the age of 12 they were supposed be sent by their parents to a rinky-dink town called 'Gravity Falls' to begin their series; which I'm told will be a popular show that'll 'represent everything that's going great with the new generation of cartoons'...or something like that...Unfortunately their parents died recently in a car crash-"

"They crashed their car!?" Shouted several toons. **S** tanley smirked as he reminisced-

…...

 _The Pines couple screamed as they were run over repeatably by_ _ **S**_ _tanley..._

…...

-"Something like that." Admitted **S** tanley slyly. Foghorn snorted. "Cartoons these days...filling their shows with tragedy just to get the plot moving...It's disgraceful! Why in my day we only needed good-old fashioned comedy to get by!"

 **S** tanley shrugged. "Yes, well in any case...Here's my offer: I pay to have you all relocated to Gravity Fall woods. You raise and teach these two about being a toon 'your way'. And in exchange all your expenses for the next 12 years until their show starts properly. After that you'll be on your own I'm afraid...

The toons frown. They look at the twins...they look at their roach motel house..."Where do we sign?" They all ask at once.

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **Based on a story suggestion made by** **StoriesUnleashed**

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**

 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

Gravity toons ch. 2

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

Bugs bunny saws through the gangplanks. "Alright, kids! Have at it!" The 5 year-old twins; Mabel and Dipper concentrated to use their 'cartoon physics powers' to make the gangplanks their standing on float in mid-air, while the rest of the platform collapsed.

Mabel; as usual was a natural...Dipper was still struggling. Bugs caught him before he fell. "2 seconds longer then last time! Your getting better!" Assured Bunny. Dipper thanks his adopted father; he then moves on to his next lesson: 'Cartoon scams'...Which of course was run by Daffy. Dipper excelled in this class! Also in Witch Hazels magic!

Daffy was especially ecstatic! Guile hero's were becoming very popular these days! Back in the day hero's had to be 'good' and villains had to be 'bad'...but nowadays...well, the line were a bit more blurred...if only that attitude had been popular when he was at his peak! He'd have been the best! Not bug-

Daffy sighed and shook his head. _Never mind that now...nothing I can do about that...what I can do is make sure my wondrous skill set lives on..._

He thinks smiling as he watches Dipper scam people over the phone like a pro!

…...

Nearby Bugs was trying to work out how to make sure the twins got a steady balance of old cartoon style and new cartoon style.

Foghorn watched this from nearby and shakes his head. Everyone in the group had different opinions about the old styles and the new styles...he of course was firmly in the old style camp.

It wasn't that he was prejudice! Heaven forbid! His momma made sure to teach him better than that! No, he simply felt the old ways were better.

Back in the 'good old days' they didn't need any fancy 'character development' or 'Myth arc's'...they used what they had! They made MORE with _less._ Any fool could get a laugh with billions of dollars of high-tech thingamabobs...but it took a true artisan to improvise a laugh at the last second with nothing but your wits, gumption, and random nearby props!

He did what he could to impress upon the importance of this spirit of _less_ on the twins...some of it seemed to be sinking in...but who knows if they truly understand?...time would tell, he'd suppose.

Foghorn looked up at the sky and all the stars. _Alright, I'll give credit where credit is due. Building an entire universe around the show(as opposed to just the one set like we were made to use)...although excessive...was still amazing..._

Foghorn sighed. He got up and went for a walk...

…...

He calmly walked through the woods...suddenly he heard crying. He looked to see a 5 year-old blonde girl weeping on a stump.

Concerned Foghorn walked up to her. "Little girl, what's wrong?" Pacifica looks up, and is frightened to see a giant roster looking down on her.

"(sniff) are you a monster come to eat me for being a bad daughter?" Foghorn looked at her shocked.

"What? No, of course not! What's wrong sweetie?" He asks concerned. Pacifica sighed. "My Dad wanted me to do something, but I was too scared to do it...and now I'm afraid he'll be mad at me when I get home!" She explained tearfully.

Foghorn chuckled good-naturally. "Come on my dear, this is your father your talking about. Mad or no; how 'horrible' could he possibly be?" He says in a comforting manner

"He usually zaps me while making me listen to the...bell." Explains Pacifica revealing the burn marks on her arms.

Foghorn says nothing. He politely excuses himself. Walks a small distance, digs a hole, sticks his head in, buries it, and screams dozens of incoherent swears!

He gets up. A fire in his belly he'd thought would never returned. _Call the old ways outdated if you must...but we never needed to torture a little girl to get the plot moving!_

…...

Foghorn felt dirty. A power that experienced Cartoons like him had; was summoning the power or skills of their various incarnations...like that Glob-awful (thankfully) short-lived sit-com!

Still for the sake of this girl...he'd swallow his pride. He called upon the business savvy of his Sit-com incarnation; who could brush off the lose of a billion-dollar corporation like Enormicorp like it was nothing!

This combined with many tropes(like 'Artistic License – Economics', Astronomical Exchange Rate, Command And Conquer Economy and of course 'Adam Smith Hates Your Guts')...he was able to run the Northwests into bankruptcy and assimilate their wealth into his new company. He then adopts a grateful Pacifica...within a day.

Before this he was called by **S** tanley, **Lender** , **Man**. Since it was crazy...he'd allow his scheme...on the condition that he never call on that incarnation again and that he'd freeze all of Enormicorp/Northwest industries assets at least until Pacifica is 18...or she passes a _test_ of his.

Feeling increasingly dirty with each second he was like this; he agreed...and as for Pacifica...well, what was one more little kid running around the forest?

…...

Foghorn introduces Pacifica to the twins. "Hey Pacifica! I'm Dipper!" Greets the boy warmly. Pacifica just stares at the cute boy embarrassed. "(giggle)Your not wearing any pants." She can't help but point out. Dipper frowns. "Pants? What are pants?"

Indeed; Mabel and Dipper were always naked save for white gloves. Dipper just shrugs this question off and decides to just greet her with a hug. Embarrassed at first...Pacifica decides to just take advantage of the situation and _enjoy_ it...

Dipper obliviously giggles. _She hugs weird..._

…...

Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica played ball. Mabel uses Uncle Taz's powers to smack the ball far. Dipper runs after it. He's about to grab it...when someone steps on it. He looks up...and sees the most beautiful thing...

…...

An 8 year-old Wendy hadn't known what to expect when she wandered into the woods...but a naked 5 year-old hadn't been in her top 10...

"Hey little guy...you get locked outside, or something?" She asked concerned. Dipper just blushed.

"No...I live out here...your pretty." He admitted, then hugged her. Slightly embarrassed by this, Wendy tried to compose herself. "Right...let's get you back to my house...and get you some pants"... She offered awkwardly.

…...

Nearby; Mabel giggled at Dippers actions. She turns around...and jumps back in fright. Pacifica was pissed!

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: To be clear; I liked the sit-com...but I know others didn't, so here you go!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

Gravity toons ch. 3

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

…...

 **AN: Could someone help me out? For some reason my computer is refusing to let me see any new reviews. Whenever I try to look them up it says; 'No Reviews Found'. I'd appreciate it if someone could message me a solution!**

…...

"How do you treat a gal? Well, hovering nearby and laughing at everything she says obviously!" Explains Pepe le pew to Dipper.

"What!? Are you seriously- NO! NO! JUST NO!" Shouts a 9 year-old Wendy as she runs up to them. Pepe; frightened immediately ran.

"Yeah, you better run, sleaze!" Shouts Wendy. She shakes her head, and turns to Dipper. "Okay, Dipper buddy? Do yourself a huge favor and forget all the crap he's been teaching you about women! You follow that; I guarantee your going to get beaten up! Or worse!"

Dipper looks at her confused. "Even hitting on girls on the rebound who just broke up with a jerk?"

"Especially then! That's the worst time to do that!" Exclaimed Wendy. Dipper nodded and began to take notes: **Don't ask out Wendy on the Rebound...**

Wendy catches a peek at that and barely manages to keep herself from giggling. It had been an interesting year hanging out in the woods with Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica and a bunch of retired cartoon animals...minus an existential crisis or two...

…...

" _What do you mean I'm a cartoon character who's only purpose in life is to be a side character to the twins!?" Shouts a horrified Wendy. Bugs slaps his face. "Oh, right...they don't tell you these things when your created anymore...My bad"..._

…...

Thankfully, Granny was well experienced in Cartoon-Existentialism therapy and was able to help her through it...And if it was Dipper...well, she could think of worse main protagonists to have at her side...

"Hey Dipper! What do you think of my new dress?" Asked Pacifica as she entered the clearing with yet another dress that she and Mabel had made.

Dipper frowned. "Don't you get hot and uncomfortable wearing all those weird things on your body all the time?" He asked concerned.

Pacifica groaned in frustration. "For the hundredth time, Their called 'clothes'...and your one to talk!" She shouts as she points at the shorts Wendy gave him when they first meet and refused to take off since.

Dipper smiled. "They were a gift from Wendy, their worth the discomfort!" He exclaims happily.

Pacifica shots Wendy a nasty look. _Right, I think this has gone on long enough._ Thinks an annoyed Wendy. She takes Pacifica aside and assures her that she isn't into Dipper that way...she also learns that Pacifica is annoyed with her giving him shorts...because now, Dipper doesn't walk around naked like he used to!"

Wendy couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of that. (snort) Hey if you don't like it, you can always bribe Mabel with squirrels to steal his shorts!" She joked.

Only to then see that Pacifica was actually considering that! "Wha- No! Pacifica I was kidding- But she was already gone...

Wendy face-palmed and sighed. _Maybe it won't be so bad?..._

...3 years later...

"MABEL! Stop stealing Wendy's shorts!" Shouts a now naked Dipper as an equally naked Mabel who held his shorts in her teeth ran like a cat.

Wendy flustered as Dipper ran past. _Huh...he's grown another centimeter...'there'..._ Growing up in the woods naked had really agreed with Dipper! Getting a nice even-tan everywhere...getting good muscles in all the right places...and of course...'there'...all good...all good...

 _Okay, inappropriate thoughts about my YOUNG best friend need to stop...Like now!_ Wendy says to herself in an irritated, chastising way.

Still she can't help but giggle as Dipper once more chased Mabel to get the shorts that Wendy gave him back.

He'd long outgrown and ripped them; they were more a loincloth than shorts at this point...but Dipper didn't care about modesty! He genuinely treasured it because Wendy gave it to him!

Wendy couldn't help but feel flattered about that...she glared as Pacifica once more took advantage of the situation to hug Dipper and 'cop a feel'...Oh and also shot yet another nasty look at Wendy of course...

 _Could that girl be more possessive?_ Wendy thinks irritably. It was then Bugs made the announcement.

"Alright guys...it's time!"

…...

 **KNOCK!**

 **KNOCK!  
KNOCK!**

"Alright! Alright! I'm coming!" Shouts an irritable Stan Pines as he heads to the door and opens it...

Revealing a bunch of circus freaks and two almost naked children. The big rooster smiled. "Good sir, we-

 **SLAM!**

Bugs sighed. "Well that could've gone better...

…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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